Hanaka x Anna
SEMI-FORMAL REWRITE
“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.” - Albert Einstein. Although this quote may have some truth to it, I believe the universe and human stupidity are not the only infinite factors. Learning is driven by self-motivation and passion. Being outgoing gives us an incentive to retain knowledge, which gives you skills, and success. Confirming your knowledge requires yourself to form into a cycle An eternal cycle of learning which you share your comprehension with one another, sharing your knowledge from the person that taught you that information. Teaching your knowledge will help you evaluate and help you understand your learning. “If you can’t explain it simply, You understand it well enough,” Albert Einstein. Learning is infinite, there is no such thing as running out of education.
SCREEN CAST VIDEO ANALYSIS
FORMAL COMPARE AND CONTRAST ESSAY
Revision is not something that is simply done, especially revision of someone else’s writing. Revising your own writing can be completely critical to yourself, and can be done without any kind of disagreements. However, it may not be the best solution to making one’s writing to become completely proficient. Please don’t get me wrong, revision is not fixing. Revision is the fine art of putting time into a piece of writing, making it as colorful as possible. The reasoning for our class to revise other peer work is because it is the best way to learn, which is from others, and to expand your bowl of knowledge. I chose to revise a higher level peer’s writing for my revision essay project to take the challenge to becoming a better and more efficient writer. In life, we use other people not as tools, but to become one community.
I am revising Anna’s essay, which is about analysing Emma’s essay. This may sound confusing, but it is indeed a brilliant topic to talk about. First out of many, Anna starts off the essay with a directly opinionated statement. Although this essay is a persuasive essay, she mentions later on that the author or speaker needs to use Ethos in order to make the subject more appealing. I found it a little bit hypocritical to say something so direct straight from the bat, and that is one thing I would change about her introduction. I believe that everything else she says is true not only for myself, and are for socially accepted beliefs. In the big picture, what I would like to improve out of Anna’s essay, is to add more Ethos, and to make it a little bit more interesting for the reader to read. Another example for how she can improve this, is to use simple, but powerful vocabulary, known as power words.
One more part I would like to improve upon her essay, is the quotes that were picked as Emma’s persuasive sentences. Some of the quotes were very powerful, such as the first one as Anna mentioned, “You are strong, but there is a flaw in your strength, and unless you learn to control it the flaw will provide stronger than your strength and defeat you” (Wells). Anna had pointed out that this quote can mesmerize the reader to keep reading, which is true, and I thought so too. A little past halfway into the essay, I thought that the quotes became weaker, and perhaps she could have picked better ones. For instance: “With these two characters, I believe Capote was comparing nature and nurture side by side, showing that both have a huge impact on us and our actions, but in the end, Nature influences us more than Nurture” (Wells) Anna shortly after this quote, uses is as a placeholder, or rather, a “proof” that she influences nature more than nurture. If I was to revise this section, I would have liked to go a little bit deeper than the surface meaning, and go for a more indirect meaning.
Lastly, I will be talking about her conclusion, and how she ended her persuasive essay. She quotes aristotle's quote and uses it almost as a layout to how she should end the essay. I suppose this is a good technique for Logos, but I feel like Anna’s own voice was faded into a diminuendo throughout the essay. If I was to revise it and change something, I would make her voice stand strong, and for it to not hide behind anyone’s quote. Some people may be wise and say some pretty smart quotes, but not only from a teacher’s perspective but from a reader's perspective, there can be only so many quotes. The end of Anna’s essay ended with Elbert Hubbard’s quote, whom I do not know, I found that a little bit overkill. Anna should end her essay with an opinionated, and persuasive tone. I did not feel the chills down my spine, the chills of persuasion towards the end, and that is what I would love to make a reader feel when they read my writing.
I am revising Anna’s essay, which is about analysing Emma’s essay. This may sound confusing, but it is indeed a brilliant topic to talk about. First out of many, Anna starts off the essay with a directly opinionated statement. Although this essay is a persuasive essay, she mentions later on that the author or speaker needs to use Ethos in order to make the subject more appealing. I found it a little bit hypocritical to say something so direct straight from the bat, and that is one thing I would change about her introduction. I believe that everything else she says is true not only for myself, and are for socially accepted beliefs. In the big picture, what I would like to improve out of Anna’s essay, is to add more Ethos, and to make it a little bit more interesting for the reader to read. Another example for how she can improve this, is to use simple, but powerful vocabulary, known as power words.
One more part I would like to improve upon her essay, is the quotes that were picked as Emma’s persuasive sentences. Some of the quotes were very powerful, such as the first one as Anna mentioned, “You are strong, but there is a flaw in your strength, and unless you learn to control it the flaw will provide stronger than your strength and defeat you” (Wells). Anna had pointed out that this quote can mesmerize the reader to keep reading, which is true, and I thought so too. A little past halfway into the essay, I thought that the quotes became weaker, and perhaps she could have picked better ones. For instance: “With these two characters, I believe Capote was comparing nature and nurture side by side, showing that both have a huge impact on us and our actions, but in the end, Nature influences us more than Nurture” (Wells) Anna shortly after this quote, uses is as a placeholder, or rather, a “proof” that she influences nature more than nurture. If I was to revise this section, I would have liked to go a little bit deeper than the surface meaning, and go for a more indirect meaning.
Lastly, I will be talking about her conclusion, and how she ended her persuasive essay. She quotes aristotle's quote and uses it almost as a layout to how she should end the essay. I suppose this is a good technique for Logos, but I feel like Anna’s own voice was faded into a diminuendo throughout the essay. If I was to revise it and change something, I would make her voice stand strong, and for it to not hide behind anyone’s quote. Some people may be wise and say some pretty smart quotes, but not only from a teacher’s perspective but from a reader's perspective, there can be only so many quotes. The end of Anna’s essay ended with Elbert Hubbard’s quote, whom I do not know, I found that a little bit overkill. Anna should end her essay with an opinionated, and persuasive tone. I did not feel the chills down my spine, the chills of persuasion towards the end, and that is what I would love to make a reader feel when they read my writing.